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Tue, 06th Oct 2009 | Jehovah | Created on: visionarydictionary.com | 3,905 Views, 6 Nods.

Ask Jehovah (2009)

Welcome Welcome one and all, to what i've decided to call Ask Jehovah...

Please feel free to come along and post any questions you might have on any subject, I'll do my best to respond -

Before you jump in and suggest I could do this without Visionary Dictionary due to being Omnipotent, well even Omnipotency needs updating now and again, and ive been getting a fair bit of stick recently for not being on the Internet...

You Visionaries seemed to be worth listening to, so far Im seeing mostly reasoned arguments mixed with rumblings of ill thought prejudice and dissent, typically human of you really, cant complain, thats they way I made you, still I didnt have time for much testing whats happened is all water under the bridge eh. Anyway Steve offered me a 25% stake in any profits which was a better deal than Facebook suggested - losers. Dont judge me wither, Angels dont come cheap you know, then theres the laundry bills, nothing stays white for long you know.

So, anyway Im looking forward to getting to know you, I cant always guarantee an immediate response, actually Im off to Miami this afternoon with Bono, always wanting to improve things, he doesnt understand yet but he will, anyway Beyonces going too which perks things up a bit... but I'll be back soon, so fire away !.

Laters

J

                


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Sun, 05th Jun 2011
Any tips on parenting?
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Wed, 01st Jun 2011
See, I knew you were too good to be true. Just because you decided to leave the site I haven't anyone to confide in. I have tried other ways to contact you but it's pretty obvious you don't want to talk. Well if you don't want to give advice I may as well carry on not worrying where I'm going when I die. So life here I come. Where can I get debauched?
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Tue, 20th Oct 2009
Are djcrossfade and TGV related?
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Tue, 20th Oct 2009
this is getting interesting ! fetches popcorn...munch munch
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Tue, 20th Oct 2009
Ooops!
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Mon, 19th Oct 2009
Why are you never around when I need you? Don't make excuses that you're too busy, wont wash! Having problems descibing Lust.
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Mon, 19th Oct 2009
(Bowed head) Thank you for your guidance and encouragement, I will take note of everything you say. Especially the Watergate, the conscience and the truth bits, and I know you know I'm a Southern man. Neil Young was right. (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink) (whispers) Hope it's ok about the 7 deadly sins posts, I know it's really your territory, but maybe you could keep an eye out on it anyway, and please feel free to send out a few thunderbolts if anyone gets out of order. Please keep mummy and daddy safe til I get to see them again. Amen
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Mon, 19th Oct 2009
** This comment may contain language some would find inappropriate **
Sun, 18th Oct 2009
Dear Jehovah, how can I get users to only comment on one post instead of carrying on comments from one subject on a string of posts confusing new users and existing users. Please tell me so I can build the solution into the code.
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Sun, 18th Oct 2009
Pardon??? Anyway, is it sad that I went out and drunk coffee on a Saturday night Jehovah?
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Sun, 18th Oct 2009
Well that's cleared that up then.
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Sat, 17th Oct 2009
Well that's the second time the sheep has taken my name in vain, and that's just on this post. I'm beginning to understand how that must make you feel Jehovah. I seriously have no idea what the 'blown cover' bit is all about.
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Fri, 16th Oct 2009
Why do we get stuck in jobs we find totally unrewarding??
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Thu, 15th Oct 2009
Visionarydictionary.com or noddleit.com?
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Sat, 10th Oct 2009
You asked if you could call me Pat. Yes youcan, you can even call me on the phone. I'm on the Virgin network!
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Sat, 10th Oct 2009
You really shouldnt try to pretend, seeing as I know that both of you would find enough room to fit the lot into a thinmble, including the back wheels. In fact you both make Fluffy look like a pornstar.
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Sat, 10th Oct 2009
Where does SicknTwisted buy his potatoes?

Do I have to stay on my knees when I talk to you, or is there another way?
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
Plus how many goals will I score this season.
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
Why do you knock on the door when you know we are all hiding behind the sofa.
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
oh dear ..what would god do???
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
There Hanging Testies!!!!
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
@Sickntwisted - Can you turn your profile the other way round so they look like testicles rather than a heart?
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
Should I get a proper job?
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
Why do computers crash when they don't have wheels or wings?
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
HAHA...Deranged and Sick n Twisted really remind me of those twins in the x factor!!! But in a more funny than annoying way..Oh and if you need any help getting your thing out then i can always lend a hand...or 2!
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
Just checking in, well well nice to see you are all still here (on my thread of course, dont read anything into that ! haa haa (strokes beard). Mister Mephisto you know in your heart that you would wear a silk Kimono everyday if you thought you could get away with it, Dear Nibbles I think you also know this too, which is probably why you are a match made in Devon ! - Master SignWriter I cant advocate writing to the Dail Mail about anything, I know from my own experience that challenging closed minds is very tiresome for little reward - Paula my dear, I can only suggest you do the same back it seems only fair - Mamap (sits down and looks wistfully into the distance, clicks fingers and harps appear playing themselves in the background, flowers sprout from the ground a plethora of birds sing in the background and it sounds bizarrely like a Barry White number ) cant I take it you would be happy with the action ? (background sound stops) Anyway got to dash am off to Sumatra to see whats...[more]
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
My dog just licked her bum then licked my face. Should I take this as a compliment or does she know it's disgusting?
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Fri, 09th Oct 2009
Morning J. Just a couple more things. Hoodie seems to think you fancy me. would this be 'cos i'm a 'born again virgin'? Well, DON'T think you are doing to me what you did to Mary! I will not be impregnated WITHOUT the action!! Also if we are to believe in reincarnation show it by bringing Brixham Bill back. Have written his name in full so you don't get mixed up. Thankyou for listening. x
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Dear J, I am having a strange day and find myself in a black silk Kung Fu Jacket with a large orange dragon emblazoned on the back. I have discovered my alter ego Steve "The Dragon" Thompson is masquerading as me on You Tube and doing promotional videos-Where do I stand legally? PS MY GIRLFRIEND SEEMS PURTURBED BY MY ODD BEHAVIOUR-Is there anything I can do?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
cant wait to see what mister J has to say but personally I wouldnt open any correspondence with the Daily Mail without the title "NHS Burns Unit in Dover treated Immigrant with lorry exhaust burns ahead of my war veteran Father who had spilt a cup of tea over his lap in shock over new plans to allow single mothers to live in Windsor.
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Dear Jehovah, im thinking of penning a letter to the Daily Mail should i start it 'A rare victory for common sense'' or ''Another case of Political Correctness gone mad''?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
threesomes, now double entry ! oooh errr missus !
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Sorry about my earlier double entry Deranged .. but if you think about it, that was sort of the point of the question.
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
OOPS SORRY THAT SHOULD READ "LIGHTNING" NOT LIGHTING X
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
HaHa This is what i call FANTASTIC!!! Well Mr Jehovah you put a smile on my face ....Can you direct lighting onto someone if so can i give you the names of a few people ...Cheers Guv x
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Great thread by the way J (if I can call you that ?!) Whispers (unecessarily cos you hear everything right..i could just think it), anyway i think mamaP likes you ! get in there !
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Quite a surreal start to the day, I almost had to rub my eyes. One he was in before me. Two he had a big grin on his face (not normally seen until after 4 coffee's). Three he had black silk kimono on. I would add he was threatening to take his trousers off but thats quite normal for him.
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Why Angels of course! now then Jehovah on a more serious note my partner looks like Omid Djalilli,does a great impression of Mr.Angry and wears a Japanese Kimono to work, am i with the right person?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
My goodness I havent been this popular since the last bout of pilot error...very impressive indeed, now bear with me as Im still recovering from a few late nights with Pink. TGV I go by many names, I also have what you might think of as colleagues, and some are better than others at holding the fort as it were. MamaP - Self restraint is difficult to master especially for one blessed like yourself, I say blessed because your appetite for life enriches those all around you and does more good than a thousand fit clubs. DJ Crossfade, nice to hear from you, as a fellow DJ I see your enjoying discussing the dancefloor of life on VD. I certainly do dabble in the White Stuff, I practically keep M&S afloat with my Angels Linen order, without that they would have gone bust years ago. Fluffy, so many questions from you my friend, I must advise you to be careful what you wish for. Its not all about the size of your truncheon you know, it what you do with it. And a threesome, well...[more]
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Maybe he's going for 3rd time lucky! some men just keep pushing it!!
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
My wife claims that only women can multi task - if that's true, why is a threesome always out of the question ?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
The Irish twins on X Factor ..... WHY?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
My wife claims that only women can multi task - if that's true, why is a threesome always out of the question ?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Is the Hokey Cokey really what it's all about?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Do you really have 'pearly gates'?
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Thu, 08th Oct 2009
Is it Aitch or Haitch? Will accept your decision as final.
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
do Teddy Bears really like being washed?
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Is there a fourth chord and will I ever find it?
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
What's the weather going to be like on Monday 19th October 2009? Thanks in advance!
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
I have read the passage in your book that tells me to slit my throat to deal with being ravenous. Now, can you make your mind up as now you are telling me to celebrate this disease. Hurry up with the answer as I have gained another pound this week and the 'fat club' teacher is not happy. I think she wants me to slit my throat as her commission is going down.
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Do you also go by the name of Allah, or is that someone completely different?
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
if so can you get it on the cheap!!!!
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Does the great one like a dabble in the white stuff!!!!
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Errr .. Hello Your Majesty. Obviously this is just between you and me so I was wondering if there was anyway you could see you way clear to giving me much larger - erm- 'equipment' if you follow my drift. I'm constantly embarrassed getting changed in the showers - especially when Mephisto (or 'The Human Tripod' as we all call him) is there. And as for my wife! That poor woman has had to put up with my shortcomings (in more ways than one come to think of it) for many years now, and I'd like to surprise her in a way that doesn't involve vegetable oils and cucmubers for a change! Whilst I have grown accustomed to the sound of hollow laughter when seen naked, and comments such as, "That reminds me, I must add button mushrooms to the shopping list",I am after all a man with a mans needs - an d this man would like a todger that would frighten a bear please! Thanks. P.S: I Alway knew you existed unlike that charlatan Father Christmas ... not once in my 46 years have I woken on Christmas Day...[more]
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
lol big col x
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Interesting how you describe your design of the human form and it's entrances. Personally I've always regarded my Poo Bay as an exit but there you go. You live and learn.
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Dear Drooper....................................!
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Wed, 07th Oct 2009
Flying lizards seemed so plausible. Big round of applause by the way for content in comment.
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
With me being an old Tw*t I cannot keep up with you lot!!
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
Well well youve got to hand it to Georgie Micheal, he might go against my best intentions buy youve gotta have faith indeed, such a wealth of questions i hardly know where to start. Forgive me if a slur a bit, that Bono knows how to throw a party, in fact ive got to nip off and entertain Pink in minute, she wants me to be a DJ apparently... Now then - Deranged, I can see that not many people like you, but then you dont like a lot of people do you. Try being nicer. If it doesnt work remember life wasnt created to be fair. Jeremy Kyle thinks he knows it all but then he is also getting rich at the expense of others, it wont last and will see him pay sooner rather than later. Hoodie - 42 is the answer to many things, not least what do you get if you multiply six by seven. Keep searching my child. MamaP - there have been many ravenous women throughout the ages, my gift of appetite to you should be celebrated, besides if i was a few thousand years younger Id be after your...[more]
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
Are you e-mailing the answers or writing on here to help others? Is your alter ego Jeremy Kyle?
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
@Hoodie . Wish I was only 42. Could be my answer to question 3.
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
ive always wanted to know if the number 42 is actually the answer to life the universe and everything ??
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
Please tell me a way to supress my desires. Gigolo's are getting very expensive.
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
Should I keep my head covered at all times or just when my hair is a mess?
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
I have a ravenous appetite, what can I do? Fat club is not helping.
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
While we're at it Can you explain this part of the Bible for me. And i believe this to be verbatim.
''When you wage war against your enemy and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take some of them captive, then if you see a comely woman among the captives and take a liking to her, you may marry her. You shall bring her into your house where she shall shave her head, pare her nails, and discard the clothes which she had when captured. Then she shall stay in your house and mourn for her father and mother for a full month. After that you may have intercourse with her. You shall be her husband and she shall be your wife. But if you no longer find her pleasing, let her go free. You must not sell her, nor treat her harshly since you have had your way with her''
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
Has Cliff ever dropped anchor in Poo Bay and if he has does that mean it's Ok for everyone else?
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
How come dinosaurs arent mentioned in the bible?
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Tue, 06th Oct 2009
** This comment may contain language some would find inappropriate **
 

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