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Fri, 30th May 2014 | MasterSignwriter | 2,296 Views, 9 Nods.

Byron & Shelley Chapter 5

Two poets find themselves holed up in a house of ill repute.

A lady of the night have arrived at their room.

'Bonjour Monsieur, what would like me to do tonight, anything in particular?'

'What's the Tariff, my voluptuous young vixen?' replied Byron removing his pantaloons.

'30 Euros for a handjob, 40 for oral, 50 for straight sex, and I wont charge extra for your lady friend to join in,' says the strumpet

'Ahh that's just my good friend Shelley, don't let the dress fool you, he's quite male. Or was last time i looked. Now listen, do you do the Fisherman's Breakfast?'

'Sorry Monsieur, I know not of this act,' replied the strumpet looking puzzled.

'The Fruity Trumpet?'

'Non'

'Two monkeys and a bakers hat?'

'Non'

'The Accordion players lament?,.. The 5.30 westbound to Scotland?,.. how about the Money lenders shoe?'

'I am sorry so Monsieur I am not familiar with these English practices' said the harlot

'Alright, how about a good old fashioned Afternoon tea for two, followed by a quick once around the Arc de Triomphe, then back to Susans for a trip to Paris on a Penny Farthing?'

'Are we still talking about sex?' asked the floozy.

'Too right we are. Shelley pass me your journal so i can draw this lassy a diagram' said Byron

After 5 minutes of frenzied sketching the poet passes the drawing over to the prostitute.

'Sacre Blue!' exclaims the painted lady and swiftly exits the room.

'Damnation they always do that, don't they Shelley?, Shelley?... why aren't you talking to me? You haven't taken the whole bottle of opium have you, you greedy little poet?' says Byron directing a pointed finger towards his semi comatose friend.

'Oh well my friend, seeing as you're all dressed up and about to pass out, how about a good old fashioned Afternoon tea for two and a quick one around the Arc de Triomphe?' asks the Poet rhetorically.

To be continued....

                


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Sat, 31st May 2014
thanks Jilly.
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Sat, 31st May 2014
The Byron and Shelly series is just hilarious!
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Fri, 30th May 2014
Advice taken MS. I'll stick to the Bodhran Basher's Rhythm Method.
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Fri, 30th May 2014
Great fun to read
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Fri, 30th May 2014
Thanks col, and be wary of delving into the world of the accordion players lament it's a saucy little number if played correctly bit on the hands of an amateur it can go disastrously wrong.
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Fri, 30th May 2014
The velveteen beard lancers midnight feast is a bit too obscene even for me talisman.
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Fri, 30th May 2014
Excellent, MS.

Although you did miss out:

The Cobbler's Stunted Clog Dance
and
The Velveteen Beard Lancer's Midnight Feast.

Loved it once again.
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Fri, 30th May 2014
The best yet. I must ask some of my folky friends if they know anything about 'the Accordion Player's Lament'.
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